You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
