I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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