i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I touched a dick in church today
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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