Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
