he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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