I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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