I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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