i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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