Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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