Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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