Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
