It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
