Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
