a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
