I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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