thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
