smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
