i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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