Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
