he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
