does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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