I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
