every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
