Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My ass is underappreciated
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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