I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
