Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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