You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
