I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
