im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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