Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize