Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
