So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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