you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
