U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
