last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I didn't notice because vodka
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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