U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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