You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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