Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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