I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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