i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
