Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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