So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize