paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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