I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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