She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
