I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
