hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so let's talk penis.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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