I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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