I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize