Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
