So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize