did you get engaged???
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
