this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
