Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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