when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
