u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My first STD was from a foam party
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
