I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
