Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
