I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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