it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
