You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
