Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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