I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
