Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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