yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
