You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
